Of Bunnies and Bottles
by ArtysSexKitten
Summary: Contains Arty and his 'Possy', bunny suits and a trip to the Dean's office. Come look. I DARE you. Slash. OOC, some Ped stuff and OC's. R&R IF you like. If you don't. Go away.


**Title: Of Bunnies and Bottles**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the books, character's or Artemis. But he's locked in my room all the same.**

**Summery: Contains Arty and his 'Possy', bunny suits and a trip to the Dean's office. Come look. I DARE you. Slash. OOC, some Ped stuff and OC's. R&R IF you like. If you don't. Go away.**

**Authoresses Note: This idea was given to me by TrunkZy. Who gives the BEST ideas. This story won't be for the faint hearted. And when I say that I mean homophobe's and... slash lover's that are against OOC Arty who dresses like a girl. I apologize about the title. They are so hard to think up and I'm just not trying... Sorry...**

**I have also kept my wonderful gaggle of boys from The Secret Life of St Bartbleys Students. You know. Zack, Oliver and Will. I love Zack... (happy smile) AND Arty is in a skirt! YAY! And he will be in a new outfit. But you'll have to wait to find out what. I know you all just LOVE it. Don't you!. And I don't care if you don't, because these are my stories. And it's attractive. So bitch all you want. It's not going to stop me. :P**

**And this is dedicated to TrunkZy. After all. This was her idea. Pure genius I tell you.**

**And yes the spelling and grammar is still horrid. My beta is away on camp or something. So deal with it until it's fixed.**

Of Bunnies and Bottles.

Artemis Fowl II was perched on Zack's lap. Staring moodily at the glass bottle lying in the middle of the small circle of boys. The genius and his friends where playing Truth or Dare. An idiotic game in Artemis's opinion. The entire point of this game was to humiliate as many of the player's as time allowed. And Artemis was the only person in the room who thought this was just a tad moronic.

Unfortunately for the genius, he was unnaturally smart and refined and the other boys where... idiots. Idiots who took pleasure in the most mundane of things. Like Truth or Dare, for example.

But placing these facts aside. Artemis rather enjoyed the time he spent with the other boys. And the sex wasn't that bad either. Well. He only had sex with Zack, but you know.

"Babe, the bottle's on you." whispered a deep voice in his ear, causing Artemis to jerk sharply out of his musings.

"What?"

Zack smiled, removing one hand from around the genius's slender waist and motioning to the bottle. It's neck pointing directly at both Artemis and Zack.

Artemis narrowed his eyes. The damn thing was pointing to _both_ of them. Why the hell was it _his_ turn.

"It's pointing to the both of us, you go instead." he huffed, turning his head to one side in a some what, spoiled princess like manner.(1)

The blond boy behind him chuckled.

"Oh no. I took the last turn, it's your go." Zack kissed the back of Artemis's neck. "Beautiful."

Artemis bristled at the touch and the comment. That bastard. He knew the genius was a sucker for flattery. Even if said flattery was directed at his girl like feature's.

It didn't sit well with the genius that he tended to look like a girl rather than a boy. Artemis was _not_ girly. Given he _did_ like to wear a skirt on occasion. But that was a totally different matter all together and he only wore it _sometimes_. It wasn't as if he liked to stroll around the grounds in a pick dress with matching heels.

Zack kissed his boyfriend again. Knowing he'd get his way. He watched as Artemis fumed silently in his lap, his small hands gripping his skirt tightly.(2)

"Oh FINE! Ask the damn question.". The genius demanded.

Oliver smirked (Being the one who had spun said bottle). Oh he had been waiting for this.

"Truth or Dare?"

Artemis mulled over the consequences to each question. If he chose Truth. Oliver would ask one of the most embarrassing questions his twisted and tiny mind could think of. If he chose Dare. The prodigy would be made to _do_ something embarrassing.

Artemis was a privet person and didn't let anyone -save for his bodyguard- in on his life. He knew the question would have horrific consequences and Artemis wasn't about to deal with his friends reaction to something like telling them the first thing he had ever jacked off too. Not that he _did_ that sort of thing. So naturally. His only other option was Dare.

Oh well. Artemis could always get them back later.

"I choose Dare." he said after a moments silence.

Oliver gave a loud "whoop!" and grinned at Artemis evilly.

"Alright. I dare you. Our lovely Ice Prince. Too dress in whatever I want for a whole day!"

At the mention of the Ice Prince nick name. Artemis glowered. But when Oliver had said _"Dress in whatever I want"_ The idiotic title was long forgotten.

"And what prey tell. Do you want me to wear?" asked the Irish boy. Trying hard not to stutter or look scared.

Oliver plucked a navy blue duffel bag from out of no where and sat it beside him. All five boys watched as the dark skinned boy pulled something black and white from the bag. Holding the out fit in front of him, Oliver exclaimed brightly.

"THIS!"

The other boys immediately erupted into a roar of laughter. Artemis, completely forgetting to hold up his mask of indifference, stared horrified at the Bunny Suit being help up before him.

Zack felt the small body of his boyfriend tense up in his arms and he frowned. Normally, he wouldn't mind Artemis dressing up in something like that. But that was only when they where alone. Not when they where surrounded by other boys.

"I don't want him walking around in that all day tomorrow. Not for all the school to see!" he said, out-raged.

Oliver ignored him. Giving the out-fit a little jiggle.

"You have to do it. Otherwise I'll ask you something so embarrassing you'll wish you had just taken the dare."

Artemis's blue eyes darkened as he gave Oliver his best glare. It did nothing of course, much to Artemis's annoyance. Everyone was far to used to him now.

A few minute's of silence stretched out between the two boys. Oliver dangling the bunny suit in front of himself. Artemis, glaring and trying to think of a way to silently summon Butler to dispose of the idiot before him. Too bad the bodyguard wasn't allowed on the grounds. Or near them for that matter.

Finally the genius stood up and snatched the appalling out-fit from Oliver's hand, glowering down at him.

"FINE! I'll do it."

Oliver smiled cheerfully. Wisely not voicing his victory.

Artemis threw the out fit in the general vicinity of his bedroom and settled himself back into Zack's welcoming arms. He glared at Oliver, resisting the erge to kick him in the face.

"Alright!" said a lean brunette, sitting next to Oliver, suddenly. Effectively breaking the tension. "Lets get on with the game. Artemis. Your spin."

------------

The following morning started off normal enough. Artemis got up, had a shower, literally dragged Zack out of bed and then went to get dressed. It was here in our beloved genius's morning routine that everything came crashing down around him.

The Bunny Suit was hanging on a steel coat hanger that was hooked around Artemis's closet handle. The black one piece, with its fluffy tail and matching ears, reminding him of the dare he had agreed to do the night before. It _mocked_ him as he stood frozen next to the bed. A royal blue towel hanging loosely around his narrow hips. (AN: Just thought I might throw that in, for my own enjoyment)

There was also a pair of fish net stockings, a pair of white cuffs, a crisp white shirt collar and black heels sitting next to the dreaded suit. Artemis's pale face instantly turned a deep shade of magenta with pure, unadulterated _fury_.

He snatched the offending leotard from its hanger and threw it - harder than was necessary- onto his bed. Picking up the stockings Artemis eyed them with great distaste, before putting them on. The suit its self came next, then the heels and the ears.

When Zack came out from the bathroom, naked and drying his blond locks with a towel, he was met with the surprisingly sexy sight of his boyfriend -dressed as a playboy bunny- fumbling to clip the cuffs around his slim wrists. The genius was muttering words he probably shouldn't have known and scowling.

"AH! How do you put these fucking things ON!" he suddenly bellowed, stamping a stiletto clad foot.

Zack laughed, hanging the towel over one shoulder and came up in front of his lover.

"Here, let me." he said huskily.

Artemis bristled immediately and shot Zack a glare.

"What the hell is so funny?" he demanded.

The blond said nothing as he clipped the cuffs in place and bent down, kissing Artemis on his nose. That was probably meant to calm the genius down, it didn't work though. The kiss only served the purpose of angering him further.

"It's just that you look so cute when you stamp your foot. And that out-fit doesn't help either." he said, stepping back.

Artemis glared at him, turning around to face the mirror. His face, which had currently been a very deep shade of red, drained of all colour as he stared horrified at his reflection.

"Oh I look horrible!" he said shrilly.

Zack looked over his shoulder and smirked. Artemis did not look "horrible". In fact he looked pretty damn good. As surprising as it was, the bunny out-fit really did do the genius justice. He had a slender attractive body and the leotard really complemented his frame. The tights made his slender somewhat girlish legs look a little more shapely then they where and the heels. Well... Zack liked them. The bunny ears where adorable. The head-band they where attached too had pulled most of the genius dark hair back, but parts of his fringe where pocking out and Zack had to admit it looked damn cute. Along with the collar and the cuffs. Artemis made one sexy bunny.

"I think you look nice." he said finally.

Artemis scowled and stalked over to his dressing table, grabbing a pick ribbon. He walked back over to the mirror and took off the ears. Popping one of the furry appendages between his teeth the genius tied his hair back, allowing his fringe to come lose. Artemis stuck the ears back on his head and scowled.

"You ready? We should get to breakfast." said Zack, who was already at the door.

Artemis spun around and almost fell flat on his face. The heels would take some getting used too.

"Do you actually expect me to go to _school_ dressed like this?" he hollered.

The blond shrugged.

"That's the dare."

Artemis could of screamed he was so angry. But that would've made him look like a more of a girl then he already did. Dressed as he was. Zack continued to stare at him. Holding the door open. Artemis heaved a sigh and stumbled over to his boyfriend.

"Help me would you." he snapped.

Just as he said that the thin heels suddenly buckled and sent Artemis crashing into his boyfriend.

Zack had been waiting for that to happen and he was ready when Artemis fell. Wrapping his arms around the slender body, the blond pulled Artemis back into a standing position. The genius was blushing. Hard.

"You ok?" asked the soccer player, brushing a strand of black hair out of Artemis's pretty blue eyes.

The genius smacked his hand away and didn't answer. Still blushing he stormed out of the room and into the hallway. Cat-calls immediately began to fly his way. Apparently, news of the dare had spread like wild fire through-out St Bartbleys and all its students were ready to make the best of the situation. For you see. Artemis Fowl II was the ring leader of the entire school. And he tended to make the lives of anyone he didn't like. Hell. So those who had been crushed socially by the genius, rose up to make him feel like an idiot.

Which of course wouldn't help them when Artemis was _not_ dressed as a playboy bunny. But they where quite stupid, so the thought that Artemis could and _would_ get them back, never crossed their minds.

If the taunts and cat-calls during breakfast and on his way to first period weren't enough to drive Artemis to run and hide in the toilet, then what happened as soon as he walked into the classroom was.

--

Mr Tarada was flicking through some notes when he heard his class start to whistle. Some of them calling out very rude remarks. Looking up, the man was just about to tell the little bastards off when his eyes fell on Artemis Fowl II. The student who had caused more then half of the staff to quit and move to another country(3) was standing in the doorway. Dressed as. The history teacher blinked. A playboy bunny, if he was not mistaken.

The pale boy was glowering into the middle distance, his thin arms were crossed and he looked ready to kill something.

"Mr Fowl, why are you dressed like that?" he demanded.

Artemis turned his icy gaze to the teacher.

"It-"

"I don't want to hear it boy! I want you to march yourself straight to the Deans office. Right now!" Mr Tarada interrupted, pointing at the door.

Artemis rolled his eyes and stalked back out of the classroom.

--

The trek to the Deans office was a normally short and easy one. It took a student 15 minutes to get there. But when one was in heels and a leotard that continuously rode up into places it _shouldn't_. It turned into a 25 minute hike. Rather than a short stroll from one side of the school to the other.

It took Artemis approximately 27 minutes to reach the Deans office. Normally it would have taken him half that time to get there. But with the genius constantly tripping, stumbling and running into things it took him a lot longer than usual. Not to mention he had to re-arrange himself every ten seconds. This leotard was _really_ uncomfortable. Artemis made a mental note to punish Oliver for his stupid dare. And just... _existing_.

The secretary. One Miss Fiona Badger's. Was very _shocked_ to see him in such a state. Well shocked really isn't a strong enough word to describe her expression. Before she fainted of course.

Artemis ignored her and knocked on the door to the Deans office. He stood there for a moment, feeling utterly stupid, before hearing the old farts droned.

"Come in."

The genius steeled himself and turned the knob, slowly opening the door.

The Dean was a man in his late thirties. Named Harold Whiting. He was married to some twit half his age, who spent most of her time in Paris, buying things she probably didn't even need. The couple didn't have any kids. Artemis and the other boys knew from just being in the mans presence, that he did not like children. Kind of stupid. Considering the man owned a bloody school.

He was not bad to look at. Dark hair, well built, kind of handsome. But Artemis himself had never fancied him. He was too busy trying to over-through him. Having his own father as the Dean would have its benefits. And Artemis was quite persistent with his current hobby of putting the man in front of him out of work.

Mr Whiting was sitting behind his desk. The lighting in the office making the Dean look something of an evil war lord.

The man looked up from the paper's he was reading to glare at the boy before him. Before he even raised his eyes to Artemis, Whiting had already opened his mouth to say something sarcastic and stupid to the teen. As most people in his line of work tend to do.

"Well well well. Mr Fowl. What is it thi-?" his sentence quickly died away in his throat as his steely grey eyes fell on the boy in front of him.

Artemis stood in the middle of the room silently. Glaring openly at his "superior". Fully decked out his out-fit-of-the-day.

Whiting remained silent. Staring at the boy with wide eyes.

A long and _very_ uncomfortable silence stretched out between them. Both occupants of the room unsure of what to say. This was after all. A very unusual occurrence. I mean. How often do students come waltzing into ones office wearing a _bunny suit_.

Artemis narrowed his eyes. This staring business was making him slightly uneasy. What the hell was the twat looking at?. The genius looked at the man more closely. Whitings eyes where glazed over and he seemed to be flushing. The prodigy's eyes widened. But not by much. He was very good at composing himself after all.

If he didn't know any better. Artemis would say that the Dean was _checking him out_. The genius inwardly scoffed. He knew Whiting liked younger women. But he never would have labeled him as an old perv who liked to drool over young boys in bunny suits.

Oh well. If he liked what he saw. Perhaps Artemis could use this new found info to his advantage.

"Sir?" he asked suddenly, taking a step foreword.

Whiting snapped out of trance and gulped. Fiddling with his shirt collar.

"Ah... what... what was I saying?"

"I've been sent to your office by Mr Tarada for dressing like this." said the genius, gesturing to his out-fit.

The older man again lowered his eyes to the prodigies lean form. That stupid flush was back. Artemis smirked. So he was right. He _was_ an old pervert.

_Perfect._

The genius walked up to the desk. Letting his slender hips sway slightly.

"How should I be punished sir?" he asked. His voice hinting at more... bedtime friendly punishments.

Whiting seemed to have the same idea. He made a strange noise in the back of his throat and sat up straighter.

"Punished?"

The genius nodded. Placing his palms on the desk top and leaning foreword.

"Yes sir. Punished. For my current out-fit."

The lust in the mans eyes was so obvious Artemis was almost sick. What a gross old fool. The genius would have to spend a few good hours with Zack in the shower when he was out of here.

Whiting made another strange noise.

"Well Master Fowl. I... I don't see anything wrong with..." he gulped "With what you... you are wearing."

The genius smirked. Leaning to wards the older man.

"Well good."

Artemis was very good at seducing people. He never really had to do anything. The most it took was a look and a few words and the person (Namely a boy) was in his bed.

And now was no different. The Dean was so turned on he could hardly sit still.

Artemis clambered onto the desk with as much grace as his heels and leotard would allow and scooted over to the where the man was sitting. Placing himself on his lap.

Something hard pocked into his backside. Artemis resisted the erge to shiver. Make that a few _days_ with Zack. Egh.

Artemis took the mans tie into his slim hands and started twirling it around his fingers.

"So I won't be punished for wearing this sir? I was dared to do it after all." he said, pouting for effect.

Whiting, suddenly becoming more daring, slipped his arms around the boys slender waist. Sliding his hands down the lean back to grip Artemis's firm behind.

"No. You won't be punished. Although..." he trailed off, a smirk appearing on his face.

Artemis mirrored this expression. This guy was just too easy. He leaned in, lips inches away from the Deans.

"Although?"

"Although. If you really _want_ to be punished. Then I guess I could arrange something."

The genius, trying to ignore the grossness of his current situation, brushed his lips sensually against Whitings. He pulled away before he could be fully molested. Hoping off the mans lap, Artemis took a few steps back. Just out of arms reach of the horny beyond reasoned Dean.

"I guess I'll come back later. But now I have to get back to class."

Whiting nodded, straightening his tie.

"Yes. Later."

--

Once out of the office and past the still unconscious secretary, Artemis made a bee line for the soccer field. Where his ever faithful boyfriend would be practicing. Not for long though. If Artemis had his way.

Before fetching his lover, Artemis picked up his book bag from the History room. He needed to make a call.

Standing just outside of the locker rooms, Artemis Fowl punched in the number to his bodyguards mobile. The phone rang twice before the deep and oh so sexy voice of Domovoi Butler sounded on the other end.

"Artemis?"

The genius smiled.

"Yes Butler it's me. Something... _horrible_ has happened." he tried to sound upset. Although Butler knew him very well. Too well in fact.

"What happened?". The older man sounded quite alarmed.

"Mr Whiting. The Dean. He... he _touched_ me. And kissed me too. It was awful Butler!"

The bodyguard was silent for a moment and this made Artemis's smile widen.

"Where is he?"

"In his office I think... I was called there and he tried to feel me up." Artemis lied. Well partly lied.

"I see." was all Butler said.

Artemis could practically _see_ him going purple in the face with fury. Oh how wonderful!. He could always count on Butler to be overly protective and resort to insanely drastic measures for pay-back.

The genius smirked. Time for the icing on the cake.

"He told me to come back to his office after classes for some 'punishment'."

Artemis could have sworn he'd heard a growl.

"Is he still in his office?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Butler hung up.

Artemis beamed, slipping his phone back into his bag. Well that took care of Whiting. Now all he had to do was punish Oliver for everything that had happened the moment he had woken up that morning.

The genius slung his bad over one shoulder and started to wards the locker rooms. For once looking foreword to spending some quality time with his boyfriend.

Perhaps today wasn't so bad after all.

**(1) I'm not referring to Artemis as a spoiled princess, but that's just the term used for such an action. OK!. You know. Huffing and turning your face to the side, nose in the air. Don't argue with me!**

**(2) Yes yes. The skirt thing is a hard thing to get rid of. I do love it so. :P Lol. Sorry everyone. I can be truthful to say that he won't stay in it for very long. Oh no. Heh heh heh.**

**(3) Slight exaggeration but you know... I think it's funny. **

**So. How was that? Wait... don't answer that. Lol. I'm sure I'll be getting a whole rainbow of reactions for this fic. Which is fine. It was a stupid ending I know... but I'm super tired and lost all spark by the ending sentence...**

**If you don't like this? You probably shouldn't be all the way down here. If you did like it. Wonderful. Just wonderful. **

**I was going to call this "You Look Great In Tights" but I thought most people might run away screaming if I called it that. :D. As funny as the reactions might have been.**

**I have just finished reading The Half Blood Prince and I was... disappointed. To say the least. I can not begin to express my utter revolution on all of the pairings I saw. I mean. Doesn't JK realize that Remus and Sirius are meant to be together! Same goes for Harry and Draco. Ginny and Tonks can go piss off. GAH HATE HATE HATE! I'm so UPSET! Someone please give me a nice long review to cheer me up. Mind you insulting HP won't get you anywhere. Only insulting Ginny, Tonks and the stupid pairings will. (pouts) Good thing there is fan fiction. :D! **

**kiss kiss**

**ozumas girl**


End file.
